I’m graduating from college in about eleven hours.
I never thought about how I would feel tonight. I used to wish, with all my might, that I could go through college in a montage, rather than have to go through every day. Now college is a montage, and I can look back and find all the good things.
There are bad things, too. There are the crying jags, and the misery, and hating sitting in those molded plastic chairs that gave me circulation problems in my legs. Remembering how I really wasn’t a good roommate, and let my awful relationship ruin a whole lot of good things for me. But the relationship is over. The former roommate still seems to like me fine. The chairs did no lasting damage. The crying was necessary. But the good things… here are some good things:
Good grades, the smell of the cafe, walking down Fifth Avenue naming all the colors I saw in Italian. Smiling at a friend in the hallways every once in a while. Midrash, English literature, Film Noir, writing erotica for a grade, measuring progress in cans of soda. Playing guitar, scribbling in a notebook in Barnes & Noble, knitting in class, walking around the city with some of the people who remain my favorites. Countless meals from Sammy’s, Go Sushi, Miyabi, Golden Wok, Noodle Bar, trips to Gristede’s in the middle of the night for olives and rice cakes and ramen. Knitting. Watching movies. Dancing around the apartment. Finding my way. Not always getting it right, but finding my way.
The best thing about tonight is how the good things stand out. If you’ve been part of any of those good things, you know who you are.